Bidet for Butts
Pal Wanda had a very expensive $800+ electronic bidet installed a couple of years ago, much to the curiosity of Aunty. According to her, it was wonderful. Aunty took her word for that, but never had an opportunity to try it out.
A bidet – pronounced “bid day” – is an attachment (or sometimes it is the toilet seat itself) that is designed to wash your butt hole after you do #2. It is common in finer establishments in Europe, Japan, and Korea. Basically, a stream of water shoots out after you do #2, in the area of the source of #2, and after a few seconds (longer if you like it, ahem) you are “clean” of #2 residue and a simple wipe with toilet paper leaves one’s sphincter and butt clean and dry.
Sounds wonderful in a weird way, but Aunty never really saw the benefit of having one at home until Uncle had to come home after having surgery, and one of Aunty’s tasks was to wipe his butt (I know, tmi, tmi.)
Pal Dale told us about a cheap bidet he had bought on Amazon.com, how easy it was to install, and how he loved it. This cheap bidet did not require electrical hookup. Whaaaa? Pal Wanda’s could adjust from cool to warm, blow dry, and maybe even massage (at $800+ it should have many options). Pal Dale’s was a simple tap into the cold water supply that feeds into the toilet tank. Deluxe luxury or basic and plain?
Desperation and the need for speed prompted Aunty to order one from Amazon.com – Joy Bidet C-1 – the cheapest one with the simplest set up, and good online reviews. In fact, Aunty ordered 2 in order to get free shipping, and it arrived in 2 days!
It was rather simple to install, even a cave man could do it, nyuk nyuk nyuk. However, the top plastic t-connection kept leaking so rather than tell Uncle the mechanic, Aunty opened the 2nd box and used the plastic t-connection from that set and shazaaam! everything was nicey tidy cleany weany.
The true test for anything new that enters our home is Uncle’s stamp of approval. The worst grade is when Uncle declares, “Stay JUNK!” So, Aunty was filled with a bit of apprehension on the maiden trial of our new Joy Bidet.
Uncle entered the stall with a face of pre-determined distrust – or maybe it was a face in pain from surgery recovery. Slowly he sat, very slowly. That was definitely from surgery recovery pain. He sat, and sat, and sat, holding a pillow to his tummy in order to put pressure on the area of the very large incision. After what seemed like eons (time moves very slowly when waiting for someone else to poop), Uncle made #2, hurray!!
Sit, Uncle, sit! Turn the dial of the bidet – nothing at first….then whooosh! whoa! splish splash, Uncle’s face lit up with surprise and joy! He liked it, he liked it! Too cold? Not at all, said a very happy Uncle.
This was good. Aunty the Nurse now did not have as stinky a job during the weeks after post op recovery. The bidet is economically beneficial since it only cost $28 online and we now use much less toilet paper. The installation was easy and the water from the tap line was comfortable – in fact, the temperature of the water was pleasantly just right!
A few tips if you plan on getting one:
1. Aunty went for the Joy Bidet C-1 since it was the cheap one, and pal Dale said the cheap one was the good one – it is simple to use and has a turn dial from low to high. Low is more than ample. Aunty heard that some friends got a different and more expensive brand with a lever adjuster, and theirs had water pressure that was too high for the females’ butts in the household.
2. Wait for a good deal because right now the one we just got for $28 is now $200 on Amazon.com. That’s nuts. Might be better to instead get the newer model, the Joy Bidet C-2, self cleaning for $36 on Amazon with free shipping. Or, go to the JoyBidet.com website and order directly from the manufacturer for $40 plus shipping. [Update note: the Joy C-1 is again available for under $28. Aunty has no idea who the $200 vendor is, but they are big doo-doos, imo.]
3. Search on Google if you want to see video instructions. The written and drawn instructions are simple and good enough, BUT, instead of attaching the hose to the water supply first, install the top connections first, and attach the hose to the water supply last. The lines won’t twist and kink as much and it is SO much easier.
4. If it leaks from the t-connector, it might be that the t-connector or gasket is defective. Over tightening will not help. Aunty now needs to find a replacement plastic t-connector for the spare Joy Bidet that was purchased on Amazon. [update: Joy Bidet will be sending a replacement for free to Aunty!]
5. Sit and enjoy. You now have a throne worth at least a 60% savings on toilet paper.
[News update and recommendations: While talking story with friends, Aunty heard that this type of bidet can be a problem for women since the water shoots the sphincter discharge forward, which may enter us women’s privates and be the cause of urinary tract infection. To minimize that problem, Ladies, block and cover your womanly genitals with some toilet paper while the water is spraying, OR, opt for the expensive electronic toilet seat models. Water from those expensive luxurious ones come from a different angles, even oscillating and acting like a sideways water show. MUCH more expensive, but the options of warm water, gentle and varying cycles, and blow drying sound like heaven.]