Aunty just got home from a 5 day Vegas trip – for the 15th (and last, boohoo) Clay Carnival.  It was outstanding and Aunty is all-in to start playing with her polymer clay again.

The Clay Carnival was held in the Linq Hotel, on the Strip.  It was always held at this location, though the names and ownership have changed over the years, for it was originally the old Imperial Palace (dinky but charming), then the Quad, and now the Linq.  Aunty had to request a room change after the first night because the nightly booming music from the Harrah’s side would have made her a wreck for the rest of the week.  Because the request was made midweek, rather than on the crazy busy weekends, Aunty got an even better room in Tower One, close to the elevators.

Tables unplayed

Aunty likes to play table games, such as Pai Gow poker and Craps.  (note:  did you know that table games’ winnings are not reported as income?)  Unfortunately, or maybe it was fortunate, Aunty’s Carnival playmates did not play table games, and so Aunty went along with them to donate her money to the slot machines.  Bleech.  They truly are bandits with bells and whistles.

People play slot machines because of the potential of a big easy win.  Big, and super easy to play, no real decisions to make other than minimum or maximum bets.  They make so much noise to stir up the excitement of a small win with “cling cling cling!” and lights flashing.  The pattern becomes – win some, lose all.  Vegas takes more than it gives.

Regardless, it is a place of hope, unconstraints and possibilities.  Where else can one wake up too early (4:00 AM) and play a giant popping rubber dice Craps machine with a complete stranger from Georgia for a few minutes and start high five-ing mutual victories?  Or to shout out “Winnah!” when your number is finally called at In and Out Burgers?

First class benefits

Aunty almost always flies home on first class (using Hawaiian miles to upgrade).  Life is too short and the difference in comfort and food is worth the expense, in Aunty’s opinion.  This recent return flight was exceptional because it had seats that became flat enough to lie down with just the right amount of legroom and storage.  Aunty’s seatmate was quite a character, with a black top hat, black skinny mustache and black clothes on a skinny frame.  He kept jabbing Aunty with his elbow or poking her with his finger as he talked, to emphasize his points.  And he had many points.

He was almost a professional gambler, being an emerald/platinum/high roller status in several hotels in Vegas.  Hotels would have limo services at his disposal and complimentary rooms whenever he visited Vegas, and he visits Vegas at least once a month.  Even the flight attendants on our flight knew him well since he was such a regular to them.

His game was roulette.  He tried to explain his theory – breaking the wheel into 8 parts and playing the board in such a way that 60% of the numbers were his.  It was Greek to Aunty and much too complicated, so Aunty mentioned how slot machines are for losing money.  He poked Aunty with his elbow.  “Not so,” he said, “I always make small money on the machines and then play for big money on the tables.”

How does he win in slots?

By not being greedy.  By not going for the big win.  His goal on machines is to NOT win more than $1200 or else it will have to reported to the IRS as income.

He poked Aunty as he started his lesson.  First, you put your player card in the machine of your choice (though he does move around a lot testing out different machines in a casino).  Then, insert your money into the machine and begin playing.  Machines almost always pay out a little bit in the very beginning.  $2, maybe $5, sometimes even more.  After a very short time, while you are up in profit, push the “cash out” button and take the ticket.  Get cash for it.  Go back on the same machine (your player card is still in it) and play again for a short while until you are up again.  Aunty got the elbow jab.  “Cash out” again, take the ticket and get cash.

Poke, poke.  By cashing out on the machine, the machine thinks that you are leaving.  If you stick the cash out ticket back into the machine, it knows that you are back.  Poke, poke.  So don’t play the machines with your tickets.  When real cash is put in the machine, it thinks that it is a new player and it pays out a little again in the beginning.  The machine is attempting to hook you in early with easy small wins and then keep you in the seat, chasing the bigger win that usually does not come.

Bing!

The light bulb went off in Aunty’s head.  Almost every time that Aunty sat down at those machines, it paid out wins in the beginning, with a lot of clanging and lights.  $20 became $24 quite easily.  And what does Aunty do?  Keep on playing and hoping for a bigger pay off, until the $24 goes down to nothing.  The machine knows better than us – we hope like fools, and fools will lose in the end.

Rinse and repeat to win

If we could get away from our natural tendency of playing to win big, and instead play to win small consistently, then we are not gambling.  We are investing and having fun at the same time.  Meanwhile, because our player cards are in a machine, our play credits are piling up on our account which start adding up to enough credits for some comps or bonuses.

A very successful stock market guru taught Aunty the same thing.  Rather than going to bat for the homeruns that rarely happen, hit for 1st or 2nd base, every time.

Very good advice.  Well worth listening to and doing.

Well worth all the elbow jabs and finger pokes, don’tcha think?

Update:  Aunty tried this machine theory in Vegas, and it works!  Well, not in a homerun way, but in a way that losses are limited, and gains are small (though it COULD potentially get big if hitting it lucky).  Pai Gow was Aunty’s downfall this time, but machines were good, with small gains, small losses, and still taking money home.  It did take discipline, cashing out from machines when $20 went down to $16, and when $20 went to $24 (or higher on a good last win).

A new tip is to hold your $20 and $100 bills in a clear zip lock quart size bag along with your cash out tickets. Cash out and write down how much went into the machine (i.e. playing a machine(s) 6 times with $20 bill = $120, and the total that the cashier cage gives you is your net.

Also, the higher the max bet on the machine, the larger the bills you insert otherwise you will hit the low limit of 20% too soon.  Never insert $1s or $5s because they are “cheap” bills and don’t mean much to you, and the machines know this and will take them from you very quickly.

Good luck, happy playing, and bring at least some of your gambling money home!

Pal Fay sent this – Bruno Mar’s 24K Magic music video.  So cute!!

It’s that time of year, and Aunty will have a booth again at the 26th annual Hawaii All-Collectors Show this coming Sunday, July 17, from 10:30 – 5:30.

Last year, KITV interviewed Aunty in her booth.  It was probably because of the hat and outfit – very vintage, very old school, very fun.

Aunty has to figure out how to fix this old cut silk velvet cheongsam (holes and tears) and glue some orange chicken feathers back onto this old hat (from Bailey’s Antiques in Kapahulu), because Aunty will be wearing this for the Show.

The fine folks at the show have a preview page at ukulele.com as well as a downloadable coupon for $1 off the $5 admission pm their show page.  It’s a great place to browse and shop, learn some history, and talk story.

Please visit Aunty in booth 219/142 and say “Aloha, howzit, whatevah!”

One of Aunty’s favorite daily escapes is going over to Jalna’s blog and seeing wassup.  (see? Aunty can do hip talk too!)

Jalna’s latest is about her score on a game that Aunty got hooked on for the last hour or so, as evidenced by an overworked right hand and mouse and for some odd reason, a very exhausted and sore left arm.

It is called kuku kube – a game of color – lasting exactly 1 minute long, though it seems much faster.  You get a point for each correct choice, and wrong choices do not count against you.  Jalna’s score was 38, which Aunty considers super duper especially since Aunty’s initial scores were 24, 26, 27, 24.

Twice, Aunty reached an almost zen-like state of seeing what is different, and then scored much higher.

OMMMMMM to you!

Hawaii’s courtrooms are very beautiful with a lot of quality wood on the walls, long gorgeous church-like pews, paneled dividers, and the dominating elevated judge’s bench.

Two months ago, Aunty received a subpoena as a witness to appear in court for a hit and sleep (girl fell asleep and her drifting car clipped Aunty’s parked car and nearly totaled the neighbor’s car) 3 years ago at 3:00 in the morning.  Even though Aunty didn’t see what happened, the prosecution wanted a witness because they were finally able to serve the girl.

After a brief wait in the hallway, Aunty was released without even having to step foot in the courtroom.  For Aunty, this was a big disappointment because court proceedings are quite entertaining in a very local way.  “Aw shucks,” Aunty thought, “I wish I could go to court.”

Beware of what you wish for

Two weeks later, Aunty gets pulled over by a police officer for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.  It required a mandatory court appearance.  Oh-oh, sometimes getting one’s wishes isn’t so good.  However, Aunty believed that she had a good chance of beating the rap because the slow walking little old lady with the maroon and white umbrella crossing the street was not on Aunty’s half of the road as the right turn was completed, even if the police officer who was also turning right just behind Aunty at the intersection of 6th and Waialae said she was.

Aunty’s court date was set one month later at 8:30 am (so early!) on the 4th floor of the District Court at 1111 Alakea Street.  Aunty left the house at 8:00, ran into some pretty bad traffic, and was already late by the time a parking space was found at the Alii Place on Alakea Street.  [helpful note:  This parking lot is just after the Mandalay Restaurant (with their fantastic look fun noodles with shrimp and lobster sauce, slurp, slurp) on the block before the District Court building and has the cheapest parking in Downtown – 75¢/half hour.]

The doors to Courtroom 4A were closed but not locked, and Aunty slinked in.  The room was only half full with other traffic violators.  A bailiff, judge, and court reporter were the only officials there.  No police officer to point out and identify Aunty.  The judge was a woman who appeared to be fair and had a nice haircut.  She would always ask if the defendant had any prior tickets.  It was rather dumb to lie about ticket history because the judge had a computer that had all the info that she needed about the person in front of her.  When they didn’t tell the truth, she found them guilty and threw the book at them.

Admit or contest

By the time Aunty was called up, the room was almost cleared out.  Most of the previous cases were HOV lane violations and the judge zipped through them, usually fining them a small fee.

The case just before Aunty’s was very similar to hers – a woman was turning left with the green light and instead of yielding to some pedestrians that were crossing and almost at the median strip dividing the street (Kalanianaole Highway and Keahole near Roy’s), she figured that she had the right to go since they would stop walking at the median strip.  She even had pictures of the intersection and read out loud the definition in the Hawaii Revised Statutes of section 291C-72(a)(2) about pedestrian’s right of way in crosswalks.  This statute stated that drivers must yield to pedestrians if they are on the driver’s half of the roadway.  The woman said that they were not on her side.  The judge pointed out that it also applies if the intention of the pedestrian is to step over the line and by proceeding through the intersection, the driver could put them in danger.  Oops.

The woman contested and the judge asked if she had any prior traffic tickets, to which she said yes.  She was fined $150 plus $40 admin fees and $7 driver education fees.  This will probably also affect her auto insurance rates since it is a moving violation.  Ouch.

Aunty up to bat

Aunty gave her name when asked and smiled, again thinking that she had a really nice haircut, and the judge smiled back.  She read off the infraction and asked, “Admit or contest?”

With this judge, honesty and humility was the best policy.  Aunty replied that after hearing the former interpretation of the statute about the pedestrian’s intention to enter the driver’s half of the road, Aunty should admit rather than contest the ticket.  The judge helped Aunty out a bit and said to contest and tell my story.

Aunty did.  The judge then asked about prior tickets (Aunty’s other at bats), and Aunty admitted to a few when Aunty was WAY younger.  She smiled again and said that she was dismissing Aunty’s case because of no recent priors, and gave instead a warning, which she said the officer should have done instead of a ticket.

Booyah!!  No fines, no moving violation, Aunty scored a walk to first base!!!  Very different from the previous times of being in front of a judge.

Aunty’s other at bats, Strike 1

Back when Aunty was really really young and still in college, Aunty was cute and sassy in her spiffy little Karmann Ghia.  One morning while zooming down 10th Avenue in Palolo, a bunch of kids were hanging around one of the blocks with a police officer, and as Aunty kept zooming, the kids started jumping up and down and clapping as the police officer signaled her over to the side of the road.  Oh oh.  Busted for speeding.  Rats!

Back then, we could contest the ticket by returning it in the mail and request a court date.  Then, we could request a later court date, kind of like kicking the can down the road.  Aunty kicked as far down as possible so that time would dull the memory of the police officer.

Aunty would usually wear tight low waisted jeans and hippy tops with long straight hair, center parted.  On the day of the court appearance, months after receiving her speeding ticket, Aunty pulled her long hair into a ponytail, wore a baggy but pretty red and white voile long muumuu, and glasses.

The plan was simple and one dimensional.  If the police officer could not identify Aunty as the defendant, the case would be dismissed.

After Aunty pleaded not guilty, the prosecution called up the police officer.  He was asked to identify and point out Aunty, WHICH HE DID!  Oh no, oh no, oh no!!  That was Aunty’s one and only wiggle out strategy!  After a brief question and answer period of the officer testifying to the events of the crime, Aunty was allowed to cross examine.

In the most lawyerly demeanor that Aunty could summon, the officer was asked HOW, after so many months had gone by, HOW could he remember and still identify Aunty?

His response was, “You are so attractive, I could not forget you.”

The judge and everyone in the courtroom busted out in laughter and I stood shocked and red faced with absolutely no defense left.  The judge then asked what I had to say to that, and all I could say, in a very soft voice was, “Thank you.”

What else could be said or done?  Aunty was sentenced with a small fine and mandatory attendance to the State’s Drivers Education course.

Strike 2

A couple of years later, still in college and still driving her cute little Karmann Ghia, Aunty crossed an intersection on 10th Avenue and Pahoa after stopping and then heard metal screeching on pavement as a motorcycle riding police officer skidded and fell sideways with his bike to avoid hitting Aunty’s Ghia.  Yikes!  Where had he come from?  Rats!!!  Double Rats!!!

Slowly, very slowly, Aunty kept inching along on 10th Avenue hoping that what had just happened didn’t happen and that the police officer was okay.

Well, he was okay because he had soon gotten up on his bike and was quickly on Aunty’s tail, signaling Aunty to stop.

“Sorry, so sorry,” was all that Aunty could say to the rather ticked off policeman.  “Are you okay?” Aunty lamely asked.

After a few choice words and a bit of scolding for running away, Aunty was presented with a ticket – failure to yield to oncoming traffic.  No mention of almost killing a police officer or of him falling off his bike or of the very slow speed getaway attempt.

This time, Aunty didn’t kick the can down the road and went to court on the day of the ticket summons sick with fear.  The judge was stern looking and very business-like.  He would boom out his verdict, declare the fines, and pound his gavel with no nonsense finality.

When it was Aunty’s turn to declare guilty, not guilty, or no contest, Aunty said, “It depends on how much it will cost if I plead guilty.”  Aunty wasn’t sure if she would be charged an arm and a leg and a motorcycle repair bill, and was already in credit card and doodad debt to her eyeballs.

The stern looking judge glared at Aunty and said that Aunty would have to plead guilty to find out how much the fine would be.

“Will it be a lot of money?” Aunty asked, pitifully.

Again, the judge said that Aunty would have to plead guilty first.

“Well, Your Honor, will it be hundreds of dollars or not too many dollars?” Aunty pressed as people in the courtroom started to giggle.

In frustration, the judge said that he could not tell me the fine amount until after I pleaded guilty.

“So, Your Honor, you already know how much it will be if I plead guilty, right?”

“Yes,” said the judge.

“Then, Your Honor, can you please give me a hint?  High? or Low?  Not too much?”

By this time, everyone in the courtroom was chuckling and the judge looked less stern.  He raised his eyebrows in resignation, and in a low whisper said, “Not too much.”

“Okay then, GUILTY!” declared Aunty with hands up in the air.

“$70!” pronounced the judge as he banged his gavel down and Aunty clapped as others in the courtroom also clapped.

Lessons learned

Looking back, Aunty’s 2 strikes were actually fun.  They were from another era.  Aunty no longer has her cute little Karmann Ghia and instead drives a car for comfort instead of looks.  Aunty is now Aunty – an old lady to young people.   The police officers of today are all so much younger than Aunty without any common ground such as “What school you went?”

Before, the lesson used to be – Don’t get caught.  If you do, then try weasel out somehow (though you can tell that never worked for Aunty before).

Now, the lesson is – Don’t do it.  Easier said than done, but Aunty is trying.  And sometimes, being an old lady helps in a courtroom if the judge is kind and you can make her smile.

Swap meeters with Randy

A long awaited day arrived this morning at the Kam Swap Meet with  Art and Kay of Musings and Jalna & sisters of Photos by Jalna.

This was an EARLY morning meeting, which Aunty is NOT good at, but, when the incentive is there, Aunty manages to crawl out of bed with the chiming of an alarm, down her cereal and coffee, gather what needs gathering, and out the door in many minutes flat.  Having tattooed eyeliner is a huge time saver (a future post).

NO traffic at 6:50 am from Kaimuki to Pearl City!  Zoom zoom zoom!  Parking was easy enough if one wasn’t picky, and the Kam Swap Meet is free!  That was a pleasant surprise, and well worth the price of admission, snark snark!  Money saved in order to buy more stuff.

Jalna and her sisters are swap meet regulars and know EVERYone.  We all stopped by Randy’s Knick Knacks in stall 17.  He seemed to be everybody’s favorite vendor with a simple roll up mat and little plastic bagged treasures for $1.

Aunty found a few glass dishes and bought 7 yards each of great upholstery material at $1.50 per yard!  Holy moly, for $21, Aunty got 14 yards of fabric.  Just a week earlier at Fabric Mart, 5 yards costed Aunty almost $50, and the swap meet find was just as nice or better!  It was heavy carrying it around, which made a drop off trip to the car a must.

Aunty also scored a very old French book “Un Sejour a Hawai” published in 1881 for $2.  Another vendor had what looked like a wonderful original watercolor of a plumeria lei, but upon closer look (Aunty put on her glasses), this was a reprint and so Aunty saved some money.  A really cute Louis Vuitton bucket purse also escaped from Aunty because the vendor had left by the time Aunty was on her second pass around.  Aunty saved money.

Actually, what Aunty did spend money on was food.  Filipino food that called out and tantalized Aunty.  So she bought pork lechon, cut up and packaged with a tasty sauce for $12.50 (very yummy), pancit – Filipino stir fried noodles that are good with kalamansi limes (though Aunty prefers it with vinegar),  and pinakbet – vegetable stir fry with shrimp or fish (but this one didn’t have shrimp or fish).  Banana lumpia would have made it complete but by this time, Aunty was hot, tired, and wanted to go home with her goodies.

It was a potentially dangerous day at the Kam Swap Meet.  The lure of things that Aunty did not need and the anticipated promise of so much more temptations – all at prices too good to pass on.

It was great to see Jalna and her sisters, and Kay and Art, each of us finding our own little interests in various vendors, then meeting up at the end of each row before exploring the next.  Sweet Didi gave Aunty her own special salt mixture concoction – which will be used on the next perfect steak.  Jalna gave some of the special fresh Waimana eggs that she swears by.

This fun day will be haunting.  What treasures can be found there next week, or the week after?  The only way to know, is to be there.

From pal Fay, the Queen would definitely like this:

It was a really good show at the Hawaii All-Collectors Show this Sunday.  Collectors are really special and nice people and it is so fun to walk around, talk story, and see people so happy to find their own special treasures and deals.  One customer said it was like Christmas for him!

KITV 4 was walking around, and interviewed Aunty – how cool was that!

Here’s the link, Aunty is so thrilled!