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Love and Marriage

2013-04-01_13-19-54The single most important decision to make in life is to marry a good person, if you plan to be married, that is.

We are all attracted to the good looking ones, but as Uncle says, it is the heart that counts.  I lucked out because I was attracted to Uncle who is a real hunk, but he also has a heart of gold with a smattering of local yokel rowdiness.  Uncle and I have a really great marriage.  He cherishes me, even with all my faults, grey hair, clutter, and idiosyncrasies.  That is love.

As his wife, I use the “Tuesday” rule (when I remember) since I can be a pain in the butt and don’t want to be a nag.  If Uncle does something I don’t like – like leaving his fishing pole in the way or not putting the cover on the toothpaste, I ask myself, “Will this matter next Tuesday?”  If it will matter, I bitch away (I AM trying to say things more diplomatically nowadays).  If it won’t matter, I just suck it up and don’t say anything.  It’s not worth the sour taste if it’s not that important.  [update:  I have never, ever regretted using the Tuesday rule.  Uncle is obliviously happy and I might have some teeth marks on my lower lip because of the effort needed to hold in my comments not mattering in the Tuesday test, but it has been worth it.  For sure enough, Tuesday comes and goes, and whatever it was that bugged me the week before, it really didn’t matter worth squat a week later.]

Menopause is something else.  It is the worst period in a woman’s life but even worse for husband and family.  It is also a period of power and some never get over it.  I think it is the test of a marriage.  If you’ve passed the test, congratulations.

Also, advice from Alice Kong (girlfriend’s mom) – always wear lipstick.  It makes a difference in how you look, and you should always try to look half way decent in front of the most important person in your life.  Please check out Aunty’s pages on Beauty when you have time.

That’s another thing.  Your spouse is the most important person in your life.  That is who you chose, and they chose you.

At a recent Wealth Summit here in Honolulu, Ian Plummer, a color expert, gave a brief summary of using color to help people in their relationships.  I was very impressed and thought I knew what color I was as he described the traits, especially the not so good stuff.  Here is an Aunty page on the theory, although I suggest you go to the website and take the test.

I feel that being able to understand the other person’s core motivation can be used to enhance any relationship.

Back in college we were given the Briggs Myers personality test, and I was an INTP (Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinker, Perceiver) type.  It is rather fun to know and be “typed”.  Just this year, I took the same type of test, called the Jung Typology test, and I was still an INTP.  I believe Uncle is the exact opposite of me – an ESFJ.  This may be why we get along so well.

For a good marriage, respect is paramount.  With respect, comes trust and actually liking your spouse.

Aunty constantly looks at a quote from the Dalai Lama:  “Be kind whenever possible….. It is always possible.”  It applies to everyone for everything.  It makes for peace, goodwill, and a very happy Uncle – when Aunty remembers.

About The Author

Aunty is a new senior citizen and loving this phase of her life. Less responsibilities, less fear of being weird, able to do more of the things that I want to do! Older, yes, slower, yes, but life is even more wonderful in my golden years and I look forward to even goldener ones.

Number of Entries : 362

Comments (2)

  • Erica Holloway

    My parents have been married for 40 years. When I asked my dad what the ‘secret’ was, he surprised me. He didn’t say ‘honesty’ or ‘communication’, or ‘never go to bed angry’.. he said that’s a bunch of baloney! He said, the surest way to get a quick divorce is to be ‘honest’ all the time! Lol.. he might be right. But he said to me, the secret to a long marriage is ‘Forgiveness’. Why? Because your love with hurt you many times over and over, but if you can forgive them and move on, you will last forever.

    ” You don’t divorce your love for the things they do wrong… you stay with them for the things theydo right”.

    Reply
    • Aunty

      Your Dad is correct. Rather than honesty, tact and shutting up is far more beneficial for a long and happy marriage, and forgiveness is really the divine ingredient. Uncle and I have been married for 32 years – blissful in the beginning, rocky during menopause, and now comfortable and rather unexciting. He is the most forgiving (or is it forgetful?) person, and I hold onto stupid little irritations. I still have much to learn, but it is worth learning and implementing.

      Mahalo for your great comment,

      Aunty

      Reply

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