Love and Marriage
We are all attracted to the good looking ones, but as Uncle says, it is the heart that counts. I lucked out because I was attracted to Uncle who is a real hunk, but he also has a heart of gold with a smattering of local yokel rowdiness. Uncle and I have a really great marriage. He cherishes me, even with all my faults, grey hair, clutter, and idiosyncrasies. That is love.
As his wife, I use the “Tuesday” rule (when I remember) since I can be a pain in the butt and don’t want to be a nag. If Uncle does something I don’t like – like leaving his fishing pole in the way or not putting the cover on the toothpaste, I ask myself, “Will this matter next Tuesday?” If it will matter, I bitch away (I AM trying to say things more diplomatically nowadays). If it won’t matter, I just suck it up and don’t say anything. It’s not worth the sour taste if it’s not that important. [update: I have never, ever regretted using the Tuesday rule. Uncle is obliviously happy and I might have some teeth marks on my lower lip because of the effort needed to hold in my comments not mattering in the Tuesday test, but it has been worth it. For sure enough, Tuesday comes and goes, and whatever it was that bugged me the week before, it really didn’t matter worth squat a week later.]
Menopause is something else. It is the worst period in a woman’s life but even worse for husband and family. It is also a period of power and some never get over it. I think it is the test of a marriage. If you’ve passed the test, congratulations.
Also, advice from Alice Kong (girlfriend’s mom) – always wear lipstick. It makes a difference in how you look, and you should always try to look half way decent in front of the most important person in your life. Please check out Aunty’s pages on Beauty when you have time.
That’s another thing. Your spouse is the most important person in your life. That is who you chose, and they chose you.
At a recent Wealth Summit here in Honolulu, Ian Plummer, a color expert, gave a brief summary of using color to help people in their relationships. I was very impressed and thought I knew what color I was as he described the traits, especially the not so good stuff. Here is an Aunty page on the theory, although I suggest you go to the website and take the test.
I feel that being able to understand the other person’s core motivation can be used to enhance any relationship.
Back in college we were given the Briggs Myers personality test, and I was an INTP (Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinker, Perceiver) type. It is rather fun to know and be “typed”. Just this year, I took the same type of test, called the Jung Typology test, and I was still an INTP. I believe Uncle is the exact opposite of me – an ESFJ. This may be why we get along so well.
For a good marriage, respect is paramount. With respect, comes trust and actually liking your spouse.
Aunty constantly looks at a quote from the Dalai Lama: “Be kind whenever possible….. It is always possible.” It applies to everyone for everything. It makes for peace, goodwill, and a very happy Uncle – when Aunty remembers.