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kokeshiAunty is the type of person that holds everything in.  It was how I was raised, and it has served me well thus far.  Maintaining pride, avoiding shame, putting on a smiling face that says that everything is alright.  Very Japanese.  My ancestors would be proud of me.

This tradition and upbringing has been Aunty’s cloak of invisibility and comfort.  This has been possible because of the undeniable Universal Truth:  All things shall pass.  This is true for the best things in our lives as well as the worst things in our lives.

Crap, the worst of them, comes and goes in our lives.  It surely does come, and then it passes.  Sometimes, though, it stays for a long long time.  Sometimes it stays because we hold on to it (see post on what are you holding on to?)  Sometimes it is almost too heavy to bear and it consumes us.

A post by one of Aunty’s favorite bloggers, James Altchuler, talked about letting it go, letting it out, and not caring about what others think or say about who he is or what he did or didn’t do.  It gives him release, and a sense of peace.

Right now, there is a huge pile of crap on Aunty’s shoulders.  In fact, it is crap on top of crap.

Will my traditional upbringing silence the turmoil inside, or will Aunty share by spilling the beans to relieve the burden?

Time will tell.  Time will tell.

Update:  This post was written 2 years ago during a time when there was so much drama, trauma, and turmoil in Aunty’s life from many different directions and sources.  It was like standing on a spot with a storm raging all around.  Pal Margaret also felt that analogy – when a huge mountain of debt/secrets/commitments almost consumed her and then she received advice that settled her down.  Margaret shared her dilemma which led to a very happy solution. 

Aunty did spill some beans to some people, though not all the beans and not to everyone. It was good to share and have friends and family to talk to.  She slipped from her Japanese pedestal, but it was an ancestral tradition that was too lofty and cumbersome.

One important point that Aunty would like to stress is to realize that you are standing on a grounded spot at all times.  The storm that may be swirling all about is not you.  It is a storm, and storms pass.  The spot that you are standing on is who you are.  It is a good place to be.

About The Author

Aunty is a new senior citizen and loving this phase of her life. Less responsibilities, less fear of being weird, able to do more of the things that I want to do! Older, yes, slower, yes, but life is even more wonderful in my golden years and I look forward to even goldener ones.

Number of Entries : 376

Comments (4)

  • Musings

    Yes, this is very Japanese. My mother and her sisters were/are like that. I tend not to hold much in. My brother tends not to show all his feelings either (it’s a guy thing too). I tend to share my “crap” with my close friends and especially my husband. They listen, commiserate and advise… and then help me let go. It saves my sanity.

    • Aunty

      Art is a happy man, I can tell. It really is amazing at how the Japanese culture binds us, but it is the norm that doesn’t drive them nuts. Perhaps your living in Chicago/mainland gave you more of a voice.

  • jalna

    Thanks for sharing, Aunty. I love your last paragraph. Will share with my sisters.


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