Aunty is the type of person that holds everything in.  It was how I was raised, and it has served me well thus far.  Maintaining pride, avoiding shame, putting on a smiling face that says that everything is alright.  Very Japanese.  My ancestors would be proud of me.

This tradition and upbringing has been Aunty’s cloak of invisibility and comfort.  This has been possible because of the undeniable Universal Truth:  All things shall pass.  This is true for the best things in our lives as well as the worst things in our lives.

Crap, the worst of them, comes and goes in our lives.  It surely does come, and then it passes.  Sometimes, though, it stays for a long long time.  Sometimes it stays because we hold on to it (see post on what are you holding on to?)  Sometimes it is almost too heavy to bear and it consumes us.

A post by one of Aunty’s favorite bloggers, James Altchuler, talked about letting it go, letting it out, and not caring about what others think or say about who he is or what he did or didn’t do.  It gives him release, and a sense of peace.

Right now, there is a huge pile of crap on Aunty’s shoulders.  In fact, it is crap on top of crap.

Will my traditional upbringing silence the turmoil inside, or will Aunty share by spilling the beans to relieve the burden?

Time will tell.  Time will tell.

Update:  This post was written 2 years ago during a time when there was so much drama, trauma, and turmoil in Aunty’s life from many different directions and sources.  It was like standing on a spot with a storm raging all around.  Pal Margaret also felt that analogy – when a huge mountain of debt/secrets/commitments almost consumed her and then she received advice that settled her down.  Margaret shared her dilemma which led to a very happy solution. 

Aunty did spill some beans to some people, though not all the beans and not to everyone. It was good to share and have friends and family to talk to.  She slipped from her Japanese pedestal, but it was an ancestral tradition that was too lofty and cumbersome.

One important point that Aunty would like to stress is to realize that you are standing on a grounded spot at all times.  The storm that may be swirling all about is not you.  It is a storm, and storms pass.  The spot that you are standing on is who you are.  It is a good place to be.

This was originally written 2 years ago and not posted until today, in concurrence with Aunty’s “Sharing” post.

During the 8th session with Dr. Hana Yin at Brain Fitness Hawaii (no longer in business), something popped into Aunty’s consciousness.

It started with a question:  What are you holding on to?

For Aunty, it was anger and resentment, holding on to bad memories, recalling of upsetting words spoken, and ill feelings.  This led to continuous anger and resentment, without end.

We have been told to count our blessings.  To tell you the truth, that doesn’t work for Aunty, not when she is pissed off.  Recalling good stuff was overcome with the recollection of the bad incidences – along with its bitter bile.  Unwanted, but THERE.  Like having your worst acquaintance strapped onto your back all day long.  Yuck.

Aunty was holding on to some pretty junk stuff, and it was time to just let it go.

How do you do that?  Aunty posted one on “Sharing” (but being Japanese makes that kinda hard to do).  Another post was “No get huhu”, and another on “Make like a tree and…”

Some people take drugs, go to therapy, meditate, find a life coach.  Doesn’t matter what you do, but the first step is to realize what you are holding on to.  If it is crap, get rid of it.

Aunty is working on it.  It is good to let it go.

You know the feeling – getting huhu is when you get all mad and ticked off.  One of Aunty’s jobs is answering the phone, like a dispatcher or receptionist.  Most people are nice – especially sales people until you inform them that you aren’t interested in claiming your millions of dollars from the Reader’s Digest sweepstakes.

Some people are quite rude because they only want to speak with the boss instead of the receptionist.  Aunty usually bites her lip and holds back.   However, during her peak menopausal days of hormone changes and self-righteousness, Aunty was guilty of snapping at them and losing customers.  Ho! da terrible, yeah?  Maybe so, but it felt good at the time.

On the other side of the counter, back in the day when Aunty was a youngster, going into stores like Carol and Mary or McInerny’s (you remember them?) was like entering a freezer – the cold shoulder, the degrading looks, the down their nose attitude because their radars could tell that Aunty didn’t have money.

So Aunty would feel huhu, as well as hurt.  Not good – snapping back at rude people or getting mad and shame because of rude salespeople.  All water under the bridge, as they say, but still, those experiences left some scars and regrets.

Solution

Each work day, Aunty gets an email from Paul Tamashiro’s Daily Market Update.  Aunty subscribes to his free email service because he sends out the most current mortgage rates for 15 year/30 year/Jumbo/VA, etc. loans as well as an interesting article related to real estate and/or the economy.  He also provides some pretty wonderful quotes from known and unknown sources.

One of today’s quotes (from an anonymous source) was:

“When someone is nasty or treats you poorly, don’t take it personally. It says nothing about you and a lot about them.”

Oh man!  Is that a good one, or is that a good one!?!

Mahalo to Paul, who can be reached at paul.tamashiro@guaranteedrate.com.  Aunty never met or spoke with him, but would bet that he is a nice person.

There was drama of the highest OOPS! factor during the 2015 Miss Universe pageant with Miss Columbia being first tapped, then untapped as the winner, and Steve Harvey becoming the biggest blunder man on the planet.

Aunty used to watch these pageants in the past, but stopped watching decades ago.  It happened after an episode in which each contestant was asked the same question.  Each of them took a breath, breezed through their answers, were greeted with applause and cheers as they smiled, waved and glided back to their places in line.

The contestants were all beautiful, poised and had the same fixed smiles on their perfect faces.  If based on looks in their gowns or bathing suits, each of them was qualified to be the winner.  The revealing of their quality of thinking was in the question and answer portion of the competition.

That year, the question that was asked to each of them was, “If you could have anything that you wanted for yourself, what would it be?”

Without fail, every one of them answered perfectly.  “World peace.”

It drove Aunty batty.  You see, it wasn’t that their answer was wrong.  It was that they did not listen to the question being asked, and instead gave an answer that was incomplete, lacking thought, and impersonal.

A destination

That simple sounding question is one that requires a lot of soul searching, and complete honesty.  The answer is one asking for our individual selfish desires – if you could have anything that you wanted for yourself.

It is one that can be broken down into different timelines – today, this week, this month, this year, the next 5 years, a lifetime.

It can cover one or several categories – food, health, wealth, happiness, status, relationships, living arrangements, career choices, etc.

It is a question asking about your dreams and goals, your aspirations, your destiny.

Quiet place, deep thoughts

It is not a spur of the moment question for beauty queens vying for the Miss Universe title.  If they were completely honest and paid attention to what was being asked, each of their answers would be, “To win the crown.”  An answer that might paint them as shallow shells of beauty, but at least they were telling the truth.

It was a question that haunted Aunty for a long time (during her pre-Aunty days).   What if Aunty were put on the spot, and the winner got what they wanted.

This was before Aunty started going to investment seminars, self improvement courses, subscriptions to newsletters, or picking up books on life skills, success, etc.  The first task required from those gurus, authors, and mentors is to identify and define your goals in order to design your life’s roadmap to a targeted destination.

“If I could have anything I wanted for myself, what would it be?”

Aunty Batty

Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?  Sort of like Betty but just a smidgeon off.

One day, out of nowhere, the answer to that irritatingly haunting question came, like a bat (heh heh, sorry) from who knows where.  It is wildly unrealistic and improbable, it has been frustratingly non-existent in my hands during trying times, the ramifications of it may be troubling, but still, it is Aunty Batty’s answer.  Final answer and still holding true.

It would be to have the touch of healing.

Amen

What about you?  If you could have anything you wanted for yourself, what would it be?

All answers are acceptable, crowns included.

Aunty received an email from Nick of The Sacred Science team (no – not Scientology or wizard stuff) and it quoted Rumi.  Rumi was a 13th century Persian poet, scholar and mystic.  One beautiful quote attributed to him is “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

Another less beautiful but very wise quote is “Make like a tree and let the dead leaves drop.”

Nick’s January 7 blog post was about carrying around emotional and/or physical baggage that drag us down and prevent us from getting better, stronger, or more capable of moving forward.  His suggestion was to have a fire ceremony to get rid of our bad stuff, our dead leaves.  This will allow new growth without our past and present hindrances.

He suggests:

• Cut 10 strips of paper to write on – the thinner the paper the better.  On each strip, write down a memory, habit, fear, or thought that is bothering you or something that you realize you need to let go because it is harmful or limiting you in your life.  Use a pen for this exercise.
• Light a small fire – it can be a fireplace (in Hawaii, a hibachi would work).  Please be safe.
• One by one, read aloud each word on each strip of paper.  Intensity of emotion is good – this is the junk stuff that we want out of our life.
• After you read each note, hold it over the flame and say “It is time for us to part ways. Goodbye.” Exhale as each piece of paper ignites and disappears.

According to Nick, this has helped him create an inner shift within himself and has been used for centuries by others to assist in healing of spiritual and physical wounds, as well as helping to unblock our inner traffic jams.

Aunty has plenty of traffic jams.  This is the start of a new year, and Aunty has yet to sit down to reflect and write down goals or resolutions.  One that would be foremost on that list would be getting rid of clutter and physical excesses in every room and closet.  Marie Kondo’s “The life-changing magic of tidying up” is helping (and will be in a future post).

Perhaps having the fire ceremony with one of the strips being “fear of getting rid of things that I don’t use because I might need it one of these days” will help speed along the process.

Perhaps writing down Aunty’s other negative thoughts and emotions that have been pushed far back and away will bring it unwelcomingly to light, so that they can be released and removed upon burning and bidding them farewell.

Aunty will be doing this soon, when nobody is in earshot (or the neighbors might think that Aunty is batty).

Perhaps Aunty will then Make like a tree and leaf, anew.

Answer: Slim and nun

Us women all know what we want and most men are mystified about that, but do we know what men want, other than just about their testosterone?

Perhaps this explains the honeymoon syndrome, when the relationship is bliss and wonderful.  Some couples are able to continue that state of bliss, while others fall off of it quite quickly.  Once off, it is hard to get back on the bliss wagon – but not impossible.

Here’s the answer, from a podcast of James Altchuler and his guest, Brett McKay from The Art of Manliness:

James Altchuler: What do you think is the most important thing a woman should know about a man that a woman probably doesn’t know?

Brett McKay: Here’s one thing and they have research to back this up. Men are very sensitive or attuned to status. We all know that. Men are hierarchal. But men actually respond more adversely to status defeat or  status slights than women do. There are parts of brain that fire up. We release more adrenaline and cortisol whenever we experience some sort of  status defeat. That’s when we look bad in front of others.

So yeah,  that whole thing that men want more respect and women want love, there’s  some truth to that. There’s some scientific truth to back that up. So  understand that status and how a man feels other people are perceiving  them as, that’s important. You can laugh at it as a sensitive male ego  but that’s the thing. That’s how we’re hardwired. So just keep that in  consideration whenever you’re interacting with your menfolk.

What do you think?  Pretty simple and Aunty thinks, pretty true.  On the other side, for men to figure out what a woman wants is not so simple, not simple at all.